I’m already packing stuff…
Update 5/1/08: YEAH. I SERIOUSLY need this to go away. I have the most important month of school left, and I have not been able to concentrate ONE day of this week. I’m going to regret screwing this up so much but I can hardly get myself to do anything… I have like 5 freaking weeks left to wait, whyyyyy whyyyy am I like this alreadyyyyyy.
Hahaha, I really need to concentrate! I’m so screwed!
I feel like “Oh well… this is productive, so it’s okay!” when I go read a Japanese magazine (or just look at the pictures and katakana descriptions, lol). BUT I should be studying math or chemistry. Then I’ll go on a walk and listen to my iPod (which… has… Japanese music! sometimes.)
Generally, it gives meaning to my procrastination. So I feel like I’m not procrastinating while that’s exactly what it is… haha. Pathetic. I really need to get on all this shit. Hngyahhhhhhhhhhhh.
I wish I knew where I was being placed. Although it’d get me more worked up and procrastinaty, I need to know! I just gottaaaaaa!
Okay. Gonna study. Maybe. 
I want to GTFO school ASAP.
I promised myself not to post so much before my trip even started… I’m hopeless.
Metaphorically, I’m drowning!!! Once I’m done, I can come up for aiiiiiiiiir. But if I keep fucking up and getting distracted, I die. Although a sense of euphoria is given before you die whilst drowning. Or generally with any non-quick death do you get a high? I should look into that. Hahaha I’m so lame… but that means I’m easy to make friends with, right? Because no one respects me. LOL this paragraph is just nonsense.
May
I don’t know how things will turn out for me anymore.
It feels like May is the determining factor for the rest of my life, which is just stupid. But in a sense…it is. AP exam in 3 weeks. If I can’t raise my grade in Math, I’m off High Honor Roll (I worked really hard just for the shitty grade I have right now…) Chemistry is always just a game of luck for me. Then finals. I have to attempt to study Japanese during this. I have to shop for my trip. I have no money. I’ve been running/walking every single day–I don’t want to stop, it makes me happy and I enjoy not being overweight. But I just don’t have time. If I am to make a dumb metaphor, it’s like I’m running down one of those halls in which the walls are closing in. And there’s a ton of shit I keep dropping and need to pick up. I’m tired. I don’t even want to get out any more. If I pull through, I find myself somewhere I’ve never been.
I know, I need to snap out of this and stop being so cowardly. It’s pathetic. Get it the fuck together.
My room is fucking infested with ants. If you know anything about me, I just don’t kill bugs. But I seriously had no other way out of this one; they’re fucking EVERYWHERE. And there’s nothing more horrifying than bending over to pick something up and discovering a colony of ants on the floor beneath you. So… I shamefully have to say I tried to vacuum them all away. T_T I’m sorry.
But… an hour later, it was like I never killed them. They were as lively and numerous as before. What the hell?
And you know what seems to be the source…? This is disturbing and depressing: my backpack. It has been sitting in the kitchen over the weekend and I just brought it upstairs… why I am such a dumbass?!! GUESS WHAT COLOR MY BACKPACK IS, TOO: BLACK! God the thing is probably covered at the bottom and I can’t even tell. I’m dumb, and this is all just sick.
I have to vacuum, brb lolz.
7 weeks left until the last week of school.
I thought it would be too depressing to count up all the days… 7 is a nice, crisp number. I cannot wait until it’s 7 days. Ugh, I can barely get through this week. It’s Tuesday and I’ve already got this damn throbbing headache. I haven’t touched math or chemistry and even if I said “fuck it” and slept, I’d still only have 5 hours of sleep.
ANYWAYS, on with the premise! (Premise makes this all sound like it will be adventurous and movie-like… which it most definitely friggin will. I promise you happiness in approximately 500-700 words a day.)
If you’re here you probably know… but for anyone just totally uninformed, I applied for YFU summer exchange Japan 2008 [w/ Scholarship] late last year. There was paperwork drama with all that, which is nothing I want to think or type about, ugh. So, fast-forward to April, the month acceptance/rejection letters are being sent out.
My experience went like…: Tralalala~ Liz Ma gettin the mail~, GAHHH WHAT IS THIS SQUISHY PACKAGE, should-I-open-it-ohhgod–AHHH!!!, …sfhhhsshhhfggggahhhhh… (tearing noises), “Congratulations YOU are ACCEPTED”, …..YAAAAAY! Yes, exactly like that. On April 3, 2008, my front yard.
So now I’m struggling through my last 9 weeks–and currently getting totally fucking slaughtered. Everyone is like “OMG riz ma you so smart, you GPA soo highhhuhhh! You must be genius or somefin! *am I right or AM I RIGHT?*” but seriously, I just had 30 minutes worth of work ethic and the material was much easier than the class names feigned. I don’t know what the HELL is up with this semester, my brain is on lockdown. I DO give a shit, and yet I feel hopeless. My head spins when I try to read anything remotely difficult. All I want to do is study Japanese. Reading a chemistry chapter is ten thousand times harder than reading a Japanese book to me.
I feel so fucking DONE. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
Oh yeah, premise of blog. Right. Basically:
- I’m going to be in Japan for 7 weeks this summer (June 11 -> July 24). Should be exciting for me, which I hope is transitively exciting for everyone back in the states. Pics and videos, I promise.
- I’m going to California and a wedding shortly afterwards. Pictures and stories most definitely.
- Afterwards my Junior year begins. You won’t hear about it because I’ll be drowning in work.
- BUT, THE BLOG WILL LIVE. I’m planning to go to France for 7 weeks next summer (also exchange). I’ll have finished AP French 5 by then, so I don’t even have to study. Very unstressful!
Ultimately– more adventures of a stupid foreign girl in far far country for all. - School is killing me. Killing me. Killing me. Killing me. I’m surprised no one has stopped to tell me “DON’T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!!” Hah. Hah. *wheezes, coughs blood*
I need to study a lot of grammar points and kanji before Japan… I know enough to barely survive, I want to know enough to really immerse myself. So that’s what’s up for April/May. I don’t know my family/location yet. TOKYO plox~
I had a blog for four years but needed a fresh slate
So, I have no friends on this site 
Feel free to comment 
Yep. I should probably go do that homework.
NOTE: You don’t have to sign up for WordPress to comment. Best fucking feature–I signed up for 4 other blogs before I found WP.
Update: It’s 4 AM. I got through one page (front side only) of chemistry-note-review. HAHAHA WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE? I don’t want to be in this situation. I need to leave the country (extreme avoidance tendencies much… -__-)!
Too bad that doesn’t happen until after finals. I’m fucked. And I’m fucked in the way that I just want to whine on the internet about it instead of sleeping my stupid 2 hours. DIE CHEMISTRY DIE DIE DIE.
Update #2 (4/17/2008): I knew I wanted to make extra cash for the trip somehow (although honestly my parents will probably give me a lot as well), but it really just hit me. Like just yesterday I was digging through every cabinet in the house for change (I found a lot, lol). I think I’m just trying to do menial tasks to quench my excitement…excitement which has come 7 weeks too early and needs to shut up so I can study for school X_X.
Anyways, besides that, I’m also eating stuff I bring from home before 4th period every day–to save the $2.00 I’m supposed to spend on lunch every day. My parents would be pissed off if they knew because 1) We’re not dirt-poor. 2) They really want me to eat well. 3) We’re not poor! XD.
It’s just that my dad already paid the $2000 scholarship contribution. So the change gathering and “I’m not going to spend a cent on anything before I leave” thing is mostly to ease my own guilt. I have a TON of things I need to buy even BEFORE I leave… a new summer wardrobe, for one thing. I’m gonna need $500 at least, just for new headphones… new camera battery… etc. etc. It doesn’t help that I feel like a complete shithead whenever they give me more than $20 at once.
Anyways, that’s my weird money thing concerning the trip.
