FUCK
I DON’T WANT TO GO HOME
FUCK
I have a week left but I can’t help spending most of my time feeling like shit because I’m leaving so soon.
Sure I’ve been having a great time from the start, but it’s just recently that this has become 100% normal life to me and as I’ve adapted completely I enjoy it even more… It’s hard to explain but I am just really really not wanting to leave. Another month or two, PLEASE.
FUUUUUUUUUUCK. I want to cry every time I explain to my friends that アメリカで毎日嬉しくなかった (I was unhappy every day in America) which isn’t really exxaggerating…
FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT lolz. It’s the first time since I can’t even remember that I haven’t worried about shit and been in that horrible state of existence and ugh fuck it’s ending so fast and it’s not long enough to make up for all the unhappy that has happened and will happen. Although just worrying about leaving right now I’m returning to that.
The common reply to this horrible feeling I have right now is that ‘I’ll come back to Japan someday, probably soon‘. Sure, I will. But it will not be the same. It will never be the same. Never will the situation be so perfect. I love my family, I love my school, I love my class, I love my friends, I love my house, I love my town. Not only that, but I am loved here. I am so lucky. Many exchange students never get it this good. And sure I will come back to Japan, but this is something really special. 一期一絵 (ichigo ichie. look it up lol)
BTW you know that cold asshole guy from the previous post? I was just standing there with Momo and him waiting for my bus, and he put his arm around me. KIMOOOOIIIII (GROSS). Seriously I have hardly talked to him at all, what the fuck made him think that would be okay? I haven’t exactly been mean to him, though. WELL that doesn’t mean I want him to fucking touch me. I barely want people I’m indifferent to to touch me, let alone people I really don’t like.
ANYWAYS. FUCK LEAVING. THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY. If I say it too much I really feel like crying.
Well actually I’m laughing right now because in the drama I’m half-watching with my host family right now this kid is looking at porn and touching himself LOL and my family is just like all lulz. ’so that’s where he’s going to do it? he looks nervous’ Yeah, they’re awesome, I fucking love them.
