Lethargy

Remember my New Year’s resolution to be more passionate about living? It’s not really working out. I can’t simply force myself to be passionate, I have to have something to be passionate about. So on top of being depressed that I’m living like a slug, I have no real justification for living (don’t worry, I’ll continue to waste earth’s resources).

I know I’m contradicting my last two posts about how getting good grades was important to me. To do well in school is more of a survival thing like eating/sleeping, I guess. Beyond feeling awesome about getting away with being such a huge fucking slacker, I don’t feel like I’m really making any progress here.

This was going to be more long-winded, but who gives a shit? This is essentially my 9001th rant about how scholastic success is a duty I accept because it gives me security in my life, and I accept this because I lack confidence in my future, despite the fact that I feel no sense of [impending] fulfillment down this road. I have no idea what I want, but I know I want to have an idea of what I want.

I’m just waiting, really. Fuck winter. We can pretend winter doesn’t even happen. Things make more sense in the summer.

“I never knew what I wanted to do, but I always knew what kind of woman I wanted to be” That’s the essence of how I feel right now.

My next trip to Japan is always a reason to live, anyway. Fuck my rants of apathy and indecision,

good grades = scholarship = study abroad. THE END LIZ, STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW LAME EVERYTHING FEELS