As my time…

in St. Brieuc finalises, I officially give myself permission to start cussing (in engrish) again.

SHIT’S FUCKING SAD AS FUCK.

It’s 4:20 in the morning. I thought I was going to sleep at 1:45, but I brushed my teeth. (If you know me at all, brushing my teeth renders me completely awake.) I got into a packing frenzy, and here I am charging my iPod. The bus for Paris is 7:00, when I’ll say bye Corinne and Antonin (this sentence is fucked up, my english is comatose).

Paris will always be paris– the monuments, museums, and historical sights are inanimate unchanging forces. My life in St. Brieuc is just a fleeting instant that I’ll never get back. I haven’t even left yet and I feel like these past 6 weeks happened years ago. Yeah, when I reflect on it, the memories are dream-like and distant. I feel like I’ll never be capable of understanding and absorbing how fortunate everything has been. Needless to say, there were moments where I was depressed or pissed off. But there were moments where I was so happy I thought I felt my heart break, instances when I thought the world was too perfect to be understood (-for just a second). Mostly, there were moments where I was numb, incapable of processing a serenity so rare and intimidating to me.

My point? I hate how I can’t ever comprehend the full significance of an event until much, much later. The fact that I feel simply bizarre (with a touch of sadness and way too much disbelief) at this moment is another example of how my brain often overcircuits with the slightest flow of emotions. I thought I was sad, but no. I’m numb again.

Somewhat related thoughts:

-As for French speaking ability improvement, don’t expect too much. I speak better, but not enormously so. BUT my listening comprehension skillz are SO pro now, haha.

-Two families? Awesome.
Two goodbyes? FUCKING LAME AS FUCK.

-This post isn’t to say I’m not going to enjoy Paris. LADUREE, BITCHES.

-French boy speaking English with a British accent is SOO DAMN CUTE!!

-A bientot mes amis

hop-là

A few photos for my parents ^^.

Corinne is mowing the lawn right now so I’m just chillin until she’s done and then we’re going for a walk somewhere .

Short updates: I love Rennes so much that it’s affected my plans for college. Tomorrow I’m heading to St. Malo again. Yesterday Corinne’s niece spoke to me in English (she’s a Parisienne lawyer working for Warner bros who coughs a lot because she’s trying to quit smoking. cool description i know) and I had trouble responding. I found myself stuck between two languages. I said “you…speak well..” with an accent. Then I switched and responded in French. Badly. It was the first time I wanted to form and speak aloud a full sentence in English and I failed and then my french broke down too. My brain was like WHATS GOING ON (Writing/reading English is less strange for some reason.) Lots of other things going on, sorry if I started I wouldn’t be able to stop! I LOVE FOOD. MY BED IS MORE COMFORTABLE HERE THAN IN MY REAL ROOM. I WILL MISS THE OCEAN. CORINNE IS AWESOME. YAY FRENCH! THE SUMMARY SUCKS, i know–WE WILL TALK FOR HOURS WHEN I RETURN.

This might be my last post before returning to the US. Next week is my last week, so I’m going to try to profit as much as I can. Paris next Saturday.

1 of 3 aisles of alcohol, lmao

taboulé, je t’aime…

Michael dressed up for our “French fashion show”. He’s ridiculous.

Pics that Lia took of me in a really beautiful valley near the Igloo.

The very flamboyant Josh and I during our excursion to Dinan. He is pretty ridiculous too. We’re gonna go to gay black parties together after the stage

SEE YOU ALL IN A WEEK

LEAVE INBOX LOVE

New home!

FIRST AND FOREMOST I should tell you that I ate escargot and foie gras (delicacy!). Guess which one I liked (a lot) better? Yup– escargot. It’s really good. And you might be surprised to hear there was zero hesitation before eating it – the shell was still on the plate, too (so the fact that it was snail was not lessened at all). I think i knew i would like it because french food is generally good, so it wouldnt be a part of the cuisine if it wasnt delicious. So don’t let the idea or connotation of eating snails impede you from trying it some day!!! I also ate rabbit and some part of duck (i think it was kidney or gall bladder… i dont know) but that’s not so special.
P.S. don’t get all animal rights or “thats disgusting” on my ass, I don’t discrimihate when I eat. It makes no sense to decide chickens are for eating and rabbits are not, that’s just superficiality.
Since I’m talking about food I should mention that the best ice cream I’ve ever had in my life AND the best cake I’ve ever had in my life were both eaten here in France. SO GOOD. Ahem.

Comme j’ai dit avant, ma famille va partir en vacances demain. I almost cried when I said goodbye, but I retained… oh mon dieu mon anglais est mort. retained posture? lol oh wow I don’t know english. Oh well haha. Anyways, I’m in my new room maintenant (which is SUPER COOL, pics included below).  It’s been an amazing past 3 weeks, and the next 3 weeks will be equally or even more amazing. I was a little sad to leave my first family tonight and  a week ago I was frustrated with one of my professors, but thats all of little importance. My positive attitude remains. The only thing that I’m ever truly sad about is the fact that the stage is already half-way over. Also when I see other stagiaires not having a good time. Bof, autrement, tout va bien, t’inquiète. I’m very very happy!

Tomorrow, the stagiaires (includes me lol) are going to NORMANDIE! It’s an overnight trip, we’ll be staying in so a youth hostel. Im pumped. Also, we get to hang out at the beach!! Ive been to the beach several times, but never in a swimsuit or into the water (water is too cold, i was with ma famille, etc);  so YAY

RANDOM: I’ve tanned A LOT here. It was a complete lie that it would rain like every day and be cloudy and cold. It’s hot and sunny and I’m all philippino now LOL

You noticed that this post is long? GUESS WHAT– the laptop is in my room in this house!! But besides this post, i will never write this much again sorry; i just had a lot to say for some reason and it all spilled out.

my first family <3 and my new family (the blond woman next to me)

OH AND IF YOU READ THIS PLEASE COMMENT I want to hear from you. This is in english, so there is no excuse.
and max how did you find the email? i laughed a lot when i watched them type it

Dinan&St Malo

Cette semaine était un peu dure (long story…)
I was sad/mad for a day (crazy I know) But I’m happy again, no  worries! XD
Except I change families next week (my current fam is going on vacation), eeee. I love my family now… BUT my second is our neighbor and I’ve already met her. Super nice, so I’m not too bummed.

-I’m at the halfway point of the stage =(
-I received the glasses
-Too many things to really say, enjoy pix
-I’m going to eat at a restaurant with my fam tomorrow!!! EXCITED. Ive gone to patisseries & whatnot, but never a restaurant. YES
-I have the feeling that my english is funny in this post, lol
-I havent been on facebook since I left Indiana, woo
-enjoy this post brought to you in ENGISH!!!! XD
-OH PS: things are EXPENSIVE, dont expect spectacular things when i return T_T
-ALSO, I havent cussed in a really long time. Prolly the only aspect of english I miss hahaha. S’okay, i can cuss in french

Sorry for un mélange de français et anglais, I couldn’t choose

CHAQUE fois que j’essaie de décire ce qui s’est passé ici…les mots me manquent (<–j’ai demandé si ça était normal à mon père d’accueil. just btw haha ) Donc je vous presente des photos pour resumer les evenements. …J’ecris dans un cahier pour retenir ses mémoires precieuses. Alors ici n’est pas où je mets mes pensées, desolée. Aussi ce blog est plein de fautes, NE ME JUGEZ PAS, lmao.

ma famille, avant la soirée (où nous écoutions les disques… c’est pourquoi nous étions habillés comme hippies), mes soeurs et moi lol, et mes parents pendant une excursion.

excursions, la plage, Binic (port), etc.

Pendant les cours (que j’ADORE. Le cours de conversation est la meilleur chose IVE EXPERIENCED DANS MA VIEEE. ) Deuxième photo = BEN. BEST PROF DU MONDE.
Troisième = Michael, who fails at french. Which is why I love him, haha.
Quatrième = BENJAMIN, host bro of my friend megan. SO MUCH SWAG, DEAR LORD. HE NEVAH TURNS HIS SWAG OFF. I took that photo secretly, appreciate it.
(ps SWAG is pretty much the only English word I consciously allow myself to use while I’m speaking French haha)

What is most important: I LOVE EXCHANGE. I was afraid it would be different, but my feelings are identical to those of my summer in Japan. This is me at my happiest – foreign countries <3.

You know all the things that people consider to be difficult/negative aspects of exchange? I love all of them. I love being forced to speak a different language and being away from all that is familiar to me. Despite the fact that I’m living in a different home and language, I’m completely in my element. STUDYING ABROAD FTW.
OH JENNA gurl i mees you! And it’s not as good as Jake, but use Babelfish!
This ended up being kinda long, but i coulda said beaucoup plus.

LA VIE EST BELLE.

à saint brieuc

edit edit: j’ai oublié à dire MERCI JAKEEEE. Ton français est PRO haha. Oh ce week-end j’ai fait beaucoup de choses supers, je ne peux pas meme résumer.

MAIS je vais dire que je suis allée a une soirée avec des déguisements. Oui, tu m’entends correctement.

edit: Some really bad pictures of me, I just discovered that my house DOES have a hair dryer this morning. So I will look better in my next post, haha

Il est tellement difficile de taper avec un ordinateur français. Donc je ne vais pas essayer de taper beaucoup, désolé… S’il vous plait, utilisez Babelfish pour comprendre ce que je dis ^^

Ok, il y a trop de choses à dire. Je vais seulement raconter ma première jour au centreville avec Lia — nous étions complètement perdues. Et ce matin, j’avais perdu le parapluie de ma mère française dans le bus T_T. Notre but était d’acheter un nouveau parapluie à un magasin qui s’appelle MONOPRIX. Mais comme j’ai dit, nous étions complètement perdues. Quand nous l’avons finalement trouvé, Lia a crié “MONOPRIX!!!!” Alors j’ai acheté une parapluie qui était 27 EUROS. C’est fou, hein? Et puis, nous étions complètement perplexée par le bus pendant une heure… c’est une longue histoire. Et à la fin, quand je suis retournée chez moi, après tout ça… ma mère française a dit “ce n’est pas grave” et ne comprenait pas du tout la difficulté que nous avions eu en achetant ce nouveau parapluie. C’est une mauvaise histoire, désolé.

De tout façon, lmao, tout va bien.

La seule problème que j’ai, c’est que tout le monde suppose que je suis stupide. Et nulle en français et que je ne comprends rien. Et ça me fait fachée. JE COMPRENDS PRESQUE TOUT. ARGGHHHHHHH. JE SUIS PAS STUPIDEEEEE.

Oh, denière chose– j’ai eu un rêve en français hier soir.

Tout le monde me manque! Je vais essayer d’envoyer des cartes postales la semaine prochaine. Il y a seulement 6 semaines qui restent (CETTE SEMAINE était vachement longueeee)

OH nico — almost everyone i’ve told im going tofrance has been like DONTGET KIDNAPPED hahaha i should watch thatmovie

BYAHHH!!!

I got straight A’s (get raped, academia. GET RAPED.)!

I’m getting my hair cut (haven’t cut it in months, looks hella nasty)!

I’m getting new glasses (have had these red ones since forever)!

I’m going to France in 3 days (holy shit, doesn’t feel like it yet)!

I jogged for an hour this morning at 6:00 AM (the cool breeze felt hella nice, and the sunrise wasn’t bad either)!

I looked in the mirror this morning and felt skinny (despite having eaten half a box of Chip’s Ahoy in the past week)!

BYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

It’s time…

…to stop being self-indulgent and writing about gay shit like art dilemmas and my trademark apologetic-angst™ — things no one understands or could give be bothered to a fuck about.

Although a blog is kind of the place to be self-indulgent, I really should talk about things that are actually physically happening. Ten years from now I’ll be reading my posts and will probably get pissed that it’s all feelings (silly intangible internal turmoil nonsense) and no action. I’m going to make this blog much more readable now!!

SO. First item of business.

1. SO FUCKING ANTICLIMACTIC

The way school ended was so shitty. I wanted to feel relieved and liberated. All I experienced was a dull, apathetic let-down. It was like I just had the shittiest time ever, and instead of a fireworks show at the end, it was just like a fizzing out. Shit was so not cash. Lia or Jenna accurately compared it to “coming home from a war – how do you feel returning to a normal life after that?”

It’s weird, but I blame my mastery of slacking. Because I could get away with very little effort or dedication to studying, I wasn’t emotionally attached enough to school. So TECHNICALLY, school ended for me months ago when I stopped feeling legitimately stressed and emotionally involved with any of my classes.

Well shieeeeeeeet.

2. France

I’m staying in St. Brieuc for 7 weeks as a part of an immersion program; English is completely prohibited, and internet use/family contact is limited to one hour a week. So I might or might not post as much as I did in Japan, it depends on how I decide I’m going to use that hour. I’m so happy there’s a program that enforces a no-English rule- you probably remember me constantly bitching about how speaking English was impeding my learning when I was posting in Japan.

BUT the one sad thing is that, in following this rule, I’m not allowed to listen to English music–so all that bad rap on my iPod is off-limits. T-T

Even though my ability to formulate French sentences is ONE MILLION TIMES better (seriously) than my Japanese capabilities, I fear speaking French more.

Despite 5 years of French study, I have very little confidence in my pronunciation/intonation because 90% of my French study has been writing+grammar+vocabulary. So while I know how to say whatever I desire in whatever verb tense I need, I feel self-conscious about my thick American accent. I feel like it masks/overpowers anything about my French that was impressive.

The reason I was so confident in my Japanese (despite very little formal study) was because of the hundreds of hours of Japanese TV dramas I watch. I know exactly how words are said, with completely confidence in my intonation. So while I couldn’t express complicated things in Japanese, I felt very comfortable with the simple things I did say.

BESIDES that, I am the same way I was before I went to Japan – in disbelief. I didn’t really feel like I was even going to Japan until I was there. I know I’m going to France, but I can’t really feel it.

Well…I am very excited to see some cute boys in Paris, haha!  <3 Maybe I’ll run into Sacha Hilton? And this will be my theme song while I’m there, LOL.

AND as for culture shock and all of that bullshit, it never happens for me. Since Japan I’ve concluded that I hate my life in America (and all of its mediocrity) too much to ever be “homesick”. If you followed my blogs last summer, you’ll know that I felt sick thinking of having to go back home.

Like last summer’s pre-Japan post, I’m going to do a little throwback parody and list things I’m excited for:
1. Getting to know all the other stagiaires!! Classes, excursions, after-school with them :3
2. Meeting my host families =D~ Eating dinner with them, watching French TV, excursions~
3. FOOD SHOPPING FOOD SHOPPING repeat repeat repeat. Wandering the streets after school =D
4. PARIS. (The last 2 days of the 7 weeks are spent in Paris) PARISSSSSS. Paris and all of it’s eye candy
5. Coming home and not being able to speak English anymore. It’ll be hardcore. And Max’ll record it for all to see.

I have so many errands to do before I leave! Gahhh! Things I need to buy, room I need to clean, e-mails I need to send…!
I think it’s a nice way to get excited, though. =D

3. AP Studio Art

I have three summer projects (THE FIRST TIME I DON’T HAVE TO READ A BOOK FOR AP SUMMER WORK. HELLS FUCKING YEAHHHHHHHH BITCHESSS!) And I think I’m going to make a conscious effort to kill my stupid art-sharing complex (see previous post), so you might see some things posted here. Get pumped?

When the time comes, don’t fear giving me feedback just because I fear receiving it.