HEY

HAHA OH SHIT, I’M DONE. LOLWUT.
I’M FUCKING DONE AS FUCK, MOTHERFUCKER.

But…I don’t feel like it’s the last day of school at all. I don’t feel like it’s all really over.
I don’t feel fulfilled or satisfied or happy or free or anything… like I thought I would…
Skool took away my ability to be human? Haha…ha.

I can’t believe I never have to go back to those horrible classes ever again.
I can’t believe I’m done with those finals.
I can’t believe I’m leaving my house in 2 days.
I can’t believe I’ll be in Japan in 5 days.

It’s just way too abrupt. I was having a mental breakdown just this morning (2 AM, specifically), and now, just about 12 hours later, I have nothing to truly worry about. But I can’t stop worrying. My head is in a perpetual state of worry, because I constantly don’t understand something, constantly don’t have something done, and constantly don’t have enough time to get it done. I’m always on the verge of failure, I’m always at my limits. It’s been a whole year like that. For it to all just be totally over… nope, can’t believe it yet.

I leave in 4 days

(Now edited for accuracy! =D)

Wednesday
-”POWERNAP” (it ended up being an 8-hour nap…hah)
-Woke up in a state of panic @ 2:00AM, freaked out, Max drove me to the gas station, bought a red bull, felt an adrenaline rush of panic over a test (sad, I know XD), finally felt a little less scared shitless.
-Retook every chem test this semester
-Reread all chem notes for this semester
-Reread all math notes (I ended up doing this during lunch right before the final)

Thursday
-AP World Meeting @7:00AM He was cool about me not going to it. Yay.
-Math tests @7:15AM I was still studying for chem
-Chem final
-Math final
-School’s over. I’m fucking done as fuck. And hopefully don’t have to go an hero.
-Majo’s birthday (I <3 HER)
-Night swimming + sleepover at Jenna’s, with Lia and Jake (I <3 THEM)
-Basically had the shittiest morning, the scariest afternoon, but the best night.

Friday
-Pack

Saturday
-Last minute things: Buy AP books, haircut lol?
-Attempt to finish entire Japanese textbook
-Preemptively apologize for my failure as a daughter and a human being, lol

Sunday
-Leave home about 6:00am, 8:29am flight
-BRB GUYS, JAPAN

I WISH I DIDN’T CARE SO MUCH ABOUT NOT FAILING. BUT I DO. I STUDY LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. WHY? BECAUSE I’M WEAK AND I’M AFRAID THAT MY INNATE SKILLS ARE SUBPAR AND TOO RISKY TO RELY UPON NAIVELY.

I THINK I’M IN LOVE

Hi,Liz

On June 14,The day when we can meet you comes over soon. We look forward to the day very much.
By the way,
My daughter,Minami returns to Japan on June 17 and we go to
Narita Airport to meet her. At that time, we plan a trip to Tokyo Disneyresort. http://www.tokyodisneyresort.co.jp/index_e.html

On June 16, We leave our house early in the morning and we stay at the hotel after having played in Tokyo Disneyland. On June 17,We go to Narita Airport in the evening after having played in Tokyo DisneySea .
It is 20,000 yen (about 200 dollars) need for this travel budget. Ticket charges, a hotel bill, meal charges, transportation expenses are included in this travel budget. Though you arrived at Narita, you will come back to Narita again,
how do think about this trip? We arrange a ticket and the hotel if you want to go for this trip.

Regards,
Hiromi Tamura

I HAVE THE BEST HOST FAMILY EVER.
FUCKING EVER.

My host family, school, summer plans… the everything blog!!

Click thumbnail to see my summer laid out!

Holy shit… How am I ever going to get all of my summer AP homework done?! @_@

My Home

Dear Liz,

I’m Hiromi Tamura and our family decided to accept your home-stay in Japan.
We live in NAGANO city in Japan.
Do you know the 18th winter Olympic games to have been held in Nagano.

My family are my father(Takao), wife(Ichiko) and three daughters.
The eldest daughter,Ayumi is a college student and doesn’t live here together.
The second daughter, Minami is staying in the State of Nebraska
as a exchange student of YFU. She’ll return home next month.
If you’d like to make a contact with her, please mail it to the next address. [email]
or search “Minami Tamura” in facebook.com
The third daughter, Naomi was a 1st grader of high school this year.

We’re looking forward to meeting you very much.

Kind regards
Hiromi Tamura

I’m staying in NAGANO (NOT IN KYUSHU!! YAY!! I’m not good with excessive heat…) in a family with THREE SISTERS (SIBILINGS = YES YES YES!!) and from the looks of it, they’ve hosted before (MY LIFE IS. SO GOOD.)

YEAH. And it’s only an hour and a half train ride to Tokyo. HELLS YES.

I DO NOT HAVE MUCH ELSE TO SAY AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME.

I’m already in love with my sisters, simply on the basis that THEY EXIST!!!!!
<3

My School

You will be attending to Nagano Nishi Highschool
with my second daughter Minami.
and you will attend to the freshman and
the international studies course.

Your homeroom teacher is Mayumi Yoshida who is
an English and so nice woman.

SCHOOL WEBSITE:
(Japanese)
(English)

So I pretty much get to walk by temples on the way to school. WHICH IS TOTALLY BALLIN! (I’m such a tourist, haha…) But you know what’s dumb? There are no good websites for Nagano at all… like all I ever get from google is Zenko-ji and the onsen monkeys. Oh well, I can just keep it all a surprise .

Nagano Nishi is introducing a new course of study in 1999: the International Studies Course. The ISC makes much of raising global awareness and of fostering the ability to actively participate in the global community. The program offers a number of features aimed at better preparing our students for this role: reduced class sizes; computer-based study; an enhanced language program offering classes in German, French, Chinese, and English…

OMG Taking French in Japan would be so LULZY. Paradox, much?!! I hope I get to at least visit that class! (For people who don’t know me: I’m planning to go to France next year and am really into the French language… learning a second language through a second language = WUT)

In the past they have had the school festival in July… I WANT TO PARTICIPATE! LOL I already have school spirit. But seriously, that would complete my existence.

Generally the websites are pretty bland, but I’m still excited! It looks like a picture-perfect Japanese senior high school . Oh… and… I PRAY TO THE EXCHANGE GODS THAT SOMEONE GIVES ME A UNIFORM!!! Although I still don’t know what the summer uniform looks like because the pictures are so tiny . Well, anything’s better than being that one chick who still has normal clothes on.

Update:

I answer your questions.
1. How long will I be attending school?
2. Do I need to buy a uniform?
1.
You go to the principal and the homeroom teacher to meet on June 18. And, you go to the school on June 24th – July 23rd.
2.
There is a uniform in the school. However, student’s freedom whether put on a uniform. Therefore, most students are the plain clothes such as t shirts and jeans.
Please question at any time.

AH HOLY SHIT!! I’m attending school for 5 WEEKS! I’m even going the day before I return to America! I’m so happy. I know it sounds pretty messed up that I’m excited to go to school just because it’s in a different country… but besides the host family, school is the second thing I’m most excited about. If I only went for 2 weeks, I’d be that random foreigner that came and went. This way I can make friends =D.

PLUS, MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE, I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO SCHOOL AND NOT HAVE TO TRY SO HARD. Whenever I’m drowning in school work, I always think “I wish I could be one of those kids who go to school who do nothing… those people who slack off FOR REAL and feel okay about it.” (Because my version of “slacking off”, still eventually results in finished homework. It’s weak slacking, haha.) Finally I can experience true cruising. Of course I’ll try, but the grades don’t count and I’m not expected to study. I don’t have to do shit in school and I can feel awesome about it. Hell yes.

I was disappointed at first that there’s no uniform. But, looking on the bright side of things, it’ll be pretty fun! =D They may or may not think my clothes are weird. I mean, even in America quite a few people think I dress differently.

ANYWAYS I’m packing (Hah…I would be that totally not-chill overly-excited kinda girl. XD), which is pretty cool besides the LIZ MA CHEMISTRY and MATH Massacre of 2008. ROFL. FUCK. Although I’m the only one getting brutally slaughtered, so I’m just exaggerating when I call it a massacre, eh?

T_T

Thinking about finals is just bringing me down… I need to make a “reasons to be happy and live” list!

Oh, and I know I’ll probably get homesick/tired of trying to comprehend slurred Japanese/bored once in a while. BUT THIS IS MY HAPPY LIST AND SUCH THINGS WILL NOT INTRUDE.

List of things I am looking forward to:

1. School, finals, and all this shit being OVER. No more chemistry for the rest of my life. No more honors math until senior year (and hopefully having a B this semester… FUCKING “C+” FUCK THAT). Stop contemplating suicide over assignments. Leave everything behind and start a new life (…for two months. lol) Then realize how much I miss my old life during my new life, so I appreciate living here more. Yay full circle.
   
2. San Jose orientation!! Hang out, make friends, get super excited for the month ahead… <3
3. …all of the PLANE RIDES! Is that weird? I like them… they’re always a symbol of adventure.
   -It’s the transition between the familiar and the new, the old and the exciting! XD
   -There’s no more worrying about tests or homework or all that trivial school bs…
   -A little bit of time to study my Japanese, mentally prepare myself for this new world.
   -I’m going to treasure those 15 hours that I’m lost in transit…
4. Getting to know my family! HAVING SISTERS. I have always wanted a sister, and now I have three! I’m going to be so spoiled by the fact that Minami speaks English, lol. Living with all girls will be da bomb. (I’m really queer when I’m happy.)
5. Going to a Japanese school. I know it’s so lame of me, but now I can finally be the “exchange student”. I want to meet new people and practice my shitty Japanese with them so bad! I even feel like walking to school will be fun, with the nice things to look at and all. >_>
6. EXCURSIONS. Being taken nice places by my family, going to dinner, eating good legit Japanese food. Going shopping with my host sisters. Going to Tokyo with them would be hella sweet. If anything, I JUST WANNA BUY SHIT – ANYWHERE. XD
7. Riding a train! LOL I AM SUCH A SIMPLETON.
8. PASSING OFF AS A LOCAL! Well I fortunately already have the look (being an asian hybrid pays off sometimes)… and I’m confident I will eventually be able to buy things without being flagged with “aaa, ryuugakusei!!” lol.
9. In continuation of #5, I want those ten minute school passing periods to hang out with any acquaintances. The nice lunch period. Reading during the boring lectures I don’t understand.
10. Changing. I know a lot of people don’t change on this short of an exchange, but I want to make something out of this. I want to be one of those kids that get so attached to their host family that when I leave we all break out in tears! And I want to come back refreshed for my junior year~

I’m a cheezy bastard when I’m excited. XD

p.s. I have such an insane amount of fears, too… I’m chock-full of trepidations. What if I don’t get along with everyone and it’s the worst time ever, etc. But I’m going to do my best to not let things I’m fearing happen… @_@. Plus, beforehand, I have finals to worry my brains out about. I can’t juggle both at once…gah.

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RRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!!

I’m already packing stuff…

Update 5/1/08: YEAH. I SERIOUSLY need this to go away. I have the most important month of school left, and I have not been able to concentrate ONE day of this week. I’m going to regret screwing this up so much but I can hardly get myself to do anything… I have like 5 freaking weeks left to wait, whyyyyy whyyyy am I like this alreadyyyyyy.

Hahaha, I really need to concentrate! I’m so screwed!

I feel like “Oh well… this is productive, so it’s okay!” when I go read a Japanese magazine (or just look at the pictures and katakana descriptions, lol). BUT I should be studying math or chemistry. Then I’ll go on a walk and listen to my iPod (which… has… Japanese music! sometimes.)

Generally, it gives meaning to my procrastination. So I feel like I’m not procrastinating while that’s exactly what it is… haha. Pathetic. I really need to get on all this shit. Hngyahhhhhhhhhhhh.

I wish I knew where I was being placed. Although it’d get me more worked up and procrastinaty, I need to know! I just gottaaaaaa!

Okay. Gonna study. Maybe.
I want to GTFO school ASAP.

I promised myself not to post so much before my trip even started… I’m hopeless.

Metaphorically, I’m drowning!!! Once I’m done, I can come up for aiiiiiiiiir. But if I keep fucking up and getting distracted, I die. Although a sense of euphoria is given before you die whilst drowning. Or generally with any non-quick death do you get a high? I should look into that. Hahaha I’m so lame… but that means I’m easy to make friends with, right? Because no one respects me. LOL this paragraph is just nonsense.

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May

I don’t know how things will turn out for me anymore.

It feels like May is the determining factor for the rest of my life, which is just stupid. But in a sense…it is. AP exam in 3 weeks. If I can’t raise my grade in Math, I’m off High Honor Roll (I worked really hard just for the shitty grade I have right now…) Chemistry is always just a game of luck for me. Then finals. I have to attempt to study Japanese during this. I have to shop for my trip. I have no money. I’ve been running/walking every single day–I don’t want to stop, it makes me happy and I enjoy not being overweight. But I just don’t have time. If I am to make a dumb metaphor, it’s like I’m running down one of those halls in which the walls are closing in. And there’s a ton of shit I keep dropping and need to pick up. I’m tired. I don’t even want to get out any more. If I pull through, I find myself somewhere I’ve never been.

I know, I need to snap out of this and stop being so cowardly. It’s pathetic. Get it the fuck together.

My room is fucking infested with ants. If you know anything about me, I just don’t kill bugs. But I seriously had no other way out of this one; they’re fucking EVERYWHERE. And there’s nothing more horrifying than bending over to pick something up and discovering a colony of ants on the floor beneath you. So… I shamefully have to say I tried to vacuum them all away. T_T I’m sorry.

But… an hour later, it was like I never killed them. They were as lively and numerous as before. What the hell?

And you know what seems to be the source…? This is disturbing and depressing: my backpack. It has been sitting in the kitchen over the weekend and I just brought it upstairs… why I am such a dumbass?!! GUESS WHAT COLOR MY BACKPACK IS, TOO: BLACK! God the thing is probably covered at the bottom and I can’t even tell. I’m dumb, and this is all just sick.

I have to vacuum, brb lolz.

7 weeks left until the last week of school.

I thought it would be too depressing to count up all the days… 7 is a nice, crisp number. I cannot wait until it’s 7 days. Ugh, I can barely get through this week. It’s Tuesday and I’ve already got this damn throbbing headache. I haven’t touched math or chemistry and even if I said “fuck it” and slept, I’d still only have 5 hours of sleep.

ANYWAYS, on with the premise! (Premise makes this all sound like it will be adventurous and movie-like… which it most definitely friggin will. I promise you happiness in approximately 500-700 words a day.)

If you’re here you probably know… but for anyone just totally uninformed, I applied for YFU summer exchange Japan 2008 [w/ Scholarship] late last year. There was paperwork drama with all that, which is nothing I want to think or type about, ugh. So, fast-forward to April, the month acceptance/rejection letters are being sent out.

My experience went like…: Tralalala~ Liz Ma gettin the mail~, GAHHH WHAT IS THIS SQUISHY PACKAGE, should-I-open-it-ohhgod–AHHH!!!, …sfhhhsshhhfggggahhhhh… (tearing noises), “Congratulations YOU are ACCEPTED”, …..YAAAAAY! Yes, exactly like that. On April 3, 2008, my front yard.

So now I’m struggling through my last 9 weeks–and currently getting totally fucking slaughtered. Everyone is like “OMG riz ma you so smart, you GPA soo highhhuhhh! You must be genius or somefin! *am I right or AM I RIGHT?*” but seriously, I just had 30 minutes worth of work ethic and the material was much easier than the class names feigned. I don’t know what the HELL is up with this semester, my brain is on lockdown. I DO give a shit, and yet I feel hopeless. My head spins when I try to read anything remotely difficult. All I want to do is study Japanese. Reading a chemistry chapter is ten thousand times harder than reading a Japanese book to me.

I feel so fucking DONE. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

Oh yeah, premise of blog. Right. Basically:

• I’m going to be in Japan for 7 weeks this summer (June 11 -> July 24). Should be exciting for me, which I hope is transitively exciting for everyone back in the states. Pics and videos, I promise.
• I’m going to California and a wedding shortly afterwards. Pictures and stories most definitely.
• Afterwards my Junior year begins. You won’t hear about it because I’ll be drowning in work.
• BUT, THE BLOG WILL LIVE. I’m planning to go to France for 7 weeks next summer (also exchange). I’ll have finished AP French 5 by then, so I don’t even have to study. Very unstressful!
  Ultimately– more adventures of a stupid foreign girl in far far country for all.
• School is killing me. Killing me. Killing me. Killing me. I’m surprised no one has stopped to tell me “DON’T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!!” Hah. Hah. *wheezes, coughs blood*

I need to study a lot of grammar points and kanji before Japan… I know enough to barely survive, I want to know enough to really immerse myself. So that’s what’s up for April/May. I don’t know my family/location yet. TOKYO plox~

I had a blog for four years but needed a fresh slate
So, I have no friends on this site Feel free to comment
Yep. I should probably go do that homework.
NOTE: You don’t have to sign up for WordPress to comment. Best fucking feature–I signed up for 4 other blogs before I found WP.

Update: It’s 4 AM. I got through one page (front side only) of chemistry-note-review. HAHAHA WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE? I don’t want to be in this situation. I need to leave the country (extreme avoidance tendencies much… -__-)!

Too bad that doesn’t happen until after finals. I’m fucked. And I’m fucked in the way that I just want to whine on the internet about it instead of sleeping my stupid 2 hours. DIE CHEMISTRY DIE DIE DIE.

Update #2 (4/17/2008): I knew I wanted to make extra cash for the trip somehow (although honestly my parents will probably give me a lot as well), but it really just hit me. Like just yesterday I was digging through every cabinet in the house for change (I found a lot, lol). I think I’m just trying to do menial tasks to quench my excitement…excitement which has come 7 weeks too early and needs to shut up so I can study for school X_X.
Anyways, besides that, I’m also eating stuff I bring from home before 4th period every day–to save the $2.00 I’m supposed to spend on lunch every day. My parents would be pissed off if they knew because 1) We’re not dirt-poor. 2) They really want me to eat well. 3) We’re not poor! XD.

It’s just that my dad already paid the $2000 scholarship contribution. So the change gathering and “I’m not going to spend a cent on anything before I leave” thing is mostly to ease my own guilt. I have a TON of things I need to buy even BEFORE I leave… a new summer wardrobe, for one thing. I’m gonna need $500 at least, just for new headphones… new camera battery… etc. etc. It doesn’t help that I feel like a complete shithead whenever they give me more than $20 at once.

Anyways, that’s my weird money thing concerning the trip.